Only When They Ask

I've been thinking a lot recently about my last trip to the dentist.  (No, it's not because I've been in pain ever since or because I forgot to get my free toothbrush.)  It's actually because of something he said.

I know most people probably don't go to the dentist looking for words of wisdom, even though dentists are in the perfect position to force you to listen since you can't really talk back.  Most of you probably know that my dentist also happens to be my dad, so that could be a reason I went to the dentist seeking life advice.

However, I'd be lying if I said that was the case on my most recent visit (or any dental visit for that matter - if I want life advice from my dad, I usually ask him at home).  Since the basement of my dad's office is becoming his wood shop, I think most of us were excited for the woodworking and not the teeth-cleaning the morning we went there over the Christmas break.

Once I sat down for my turn in the chair, my dad started off with what is probably his typical question, "Is there anything bothering you?"

Nothing came to mind immediately, and I made small talk about how much better I was feeling about my dental hygiene now that I floss every night.  I then remembered something I had noticed fairly frequently while flossing - that one of my two front teeth had a small piece missing along the gum line.  So, I mentioned to him that I'd noticed it, asked if it is some sort of bad sign, and he had a look for himself.

"Hmmm," he mumbled as he looked it over.  "It does look like you have a natural flaw there.  Would you like me to fix it?"

"Well, would you normally fix it for somebody?" I asked.

"Only when they ask," he replied.

"What would you do if you were me?"

"I can fix it if you'd like, but it's up to you," he said.

"Will it be noticeable, like a different color?"

"You won't be able to notice the filling, but it is your choice."

I then thought to myself about how it took me a very long time to even notice the flaw, not to mention the close inspection in the mirror.  (I'm sure that none of you had ever even noticed this defect, despite it being on one of my front teeth.)

"Okay, let's do it," I said.

"Alright," he said.  "I'm going to have to push back your gums a little bit to fix it so that may hurt a little."

Hurt a little was definitely an understatement.  I clenched the chair as if felt like my gums were being pushed back centimeters, although they probably only really moved a few millimeters.

A few minutes later he was finished fixing the tooth and cautioned me that it might hurt as he took out the wire that had been holding my gums.  At that point I realized that he hadn't just pushed my gums back, but that he had pushed some wire up there to hold the gums back while he worked.  I didn't feel a thing as he took the wire out, in stark contrast to what I felt as he put it in.

Since then, I've been thinking about how our relationship with our Heavenly Father is similar to my experience with my father.  As we do the things that He has asked us to, we become aware of places where we are lacking.  His response isn't to take over and fix us in the areas we are lacking, but rather He allows us to identify our shortcomings and asks, "Is there anything bothering you?" Once we've identified it, He asks, "Would you like Me to fix it?"  However, when He "fixes" it, that doesn't mean it will be a painless process and that's why He leaves the decision up to us.  He knows that it will be painful for us to change and become perfected, but He is more than willing to help, but only when we ask.

As much as I love my dad and all of his wisdom that he has shared with me throughout my life, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't look back at this moment and say, "Well, there's a moment that I really used to teach Bryan about his Heavenly Father."  I don't think that is his fault at all though as I'm convinced that the majority of the time that God uses us as instruments to teach others, we aren't even aware of it.  We only become aware of it when the individual that was touched by something we did lets us know.

There is a man named Robi who lives in Győr, Hungary, who credits me for helping him come back into the church.  That's definitely not the way I see it.  In fact, I think God helped him come back to the church in spite of me.

When I was serving in Győr, my companion and I were pretty tired of the Hungarian people.  It seemed like everyone we tried to talk to had no interest in talking to us at all.  We tried to go and visit inactive members of the ward who fell into two groups.  Either they didn't want anything to do with us, or they would agree to meet with us but then never keep a commitment to read, pray, come to church, etc.

You can imagine how happy we were to receive a call at eight in the morning from the ward mission leader, saying that he was on his way over to pick us up to go visit another inactive in the middle of our study time.  Here we go again, I thought.  We arrived at Robi's apartment and talked about the ward mission leader's favorite topic, the power of example.  The longer the visit went, the more time I felt like we were wasting, telling myself that this guy wouldn't be any different from the others.  He had been baptized in 1995 and went inactive within the first year.

I decided I was ready to leave, so I figured we might as well leave him with a commitment that he wouldn't keep.  So, asked him, "Robi, have you been reading the scriptures regularly?"

"I haven't quit praying," he said.

"I didn't ask if you were still praying.  I asked if you've been reading the scriptures."  (You can definitely see my frustration with the situation in my response.  I'm not typically that abrasive.)

"I've been praying, but I haven't been reading the scriptures," he replied.

"Do you think you can read them every day this week?" I asked.

"Yeah, I used to read them every day.  I can do that," he said.  

Yeah right, I thought.  You're going to be just like all the rest.  Now we're going to come back next week just to hear all your excuses on why you couldn't read your scriptures this week.

We said a closing prayer and then left without setting up a time to visit him the next week.  We were definitely surprised to see him at church that Sunday, and every following week.  He started studying the scriptures every day the day we first met and I don't know that he has missed a day since.  Since then he has been to the temple to receive his endowment, met a woman who he taught and baptized, and they were sealed in the temple this past October.

When I went back to Hungary in April of 2010 to be Feri's escort at the temple, Robi came with us.  On that trip, I told Robi about how I had felt during our first meeting and he was shocked.  I assured him that my view of him changed very rapidly after that first meeting.

It never ceases to amaze me that God used my frustration to stubbornly make someone commit to read their scriptures ever day, which led him back onto the path and strengthened his relationship with his Heavenly Father.

That definitely turned out longer than I expected and I apologize to those of you who prefer short posts, but I don't know that I had ever completely recorded that experience with Robi with the hindsight of knowing what came after, and once I got going, I just couldn't stop.